The Crying Game

To say that humans are emotional creatures would be an understatement. We all have emotions. The only difference from person to person is that some of us hide them, and some of us share them. Buying or selling a home can be one of the most emotional endeavors in a person's life. We all acknowledge the stress factor of a real estate transaction, but do we really take the time to think about the emotional factor? On a personal note, I'm not an outright emotional person. (I didn't even cry during The Notebook.)It's hard for me to be around people who are emotional, and I would even go as far to say that it makes me uncomfortable to see someone visibly upset. In this business though, you need to put aside your own emotional boundaries, and develop a skill set that will allow you to comfort whoever you're dealing with.

Unfortunately, I receive a lot of phone calls from widows. At first, I was a bit thrown by the abundance of emotion involved in these conversations. While I'm used to people telling me about their various ailments, and medical procedures, (Remember: Jewish girl from Long Island. We LOVE to talk about ailments) I was not used to raw emotion, and I certainly wasn't used to it from complete strangers. One of the first people I ever spoke to regarding real estate was a widow named Andrea. From the beginning of our conversation all the way through the end, she was crying. Being a bit "green" in the area of truly emotional conversations, I continued on with asking the questions I needed answered to get her in touch with the right agent based solely on her real estate needs. I didn't even consider at this point that there was more to what I do than putting a price range and an area with someone that handles said price range and area. Not only did I insult her for not being more of an understanding ear, she decided to not use me or my agent. I realized, "Wow, this is my fault. I need to fix this" Am I saying to breakdown and pour your heart out to your perspective client? Definitely not. I'm saying that you have to soften yourself a bit in an emotional situation. Most people that I deal with on a daily basis are typical "Long Islanders." They're funny, a bit quirky, and want to get to the bottom line quickly while still having a quality conversation. It took me months (not years...it's not that hard of a concept) to develop this layer of myself that I like to call "foe-emotion." Because I am not naturally an outright emotional person, I need to fake it 'til I make it. It sounds simple, but for me, it wasn't. I had to learn to ask questions like "How long ago did your husband pass away?" and "Has it been very tough on you?" Not only did I have to learn to ask them, I had to have genuine responses such as "I'm so sorry to hear that," and "You poor thing" lined up. Again, simple, but do we all do it?

I'm very proud to say that I've now mastered the skill of talking to emotional people, and have even weeded through the agents I work with to know which ones are a good fit. Recently, I spoke to a woman who will remain nameless (her name is too uncommon for such a public forum). Let's call this woman "Mary." "Mary's" husband passed away two weeks prior to her picking up the phone and telling me that she wanted to sell her house, and move into an adult community. When I asked "Mary" what her motivation for moving was (hint, hint: ALWAYS find out motivation. It will save you immeasurable amounts of time), she broke down. She told me that her husband had built their home from the ground up, and that he suddenly passed away. After telling her how sorry I was for her loss, and finding out more information regarding her real estate AND emotional needs, I said "Mary, you've obviously had a rough two weeks. I'm going to do everything in my power to help make this process a happy one." She thanked me for my kind words, I told her an agent would be contacting her shortly and we hung up. Now, I'd venture to guess "Mary" did think much was going to happen after our conversation (most people don't), but after speaking to this clearly emotionally distraught woman, I knew I had to put her touch with someone who would only alleviate her pain, not make her feel rigid and uncomfortable. In addition to matching "Mary" with someone I felt (and, I was right) would become an excellent shoulder for her to lean on, I made sure I continuously checked in with her. Every time I would call her, I would say "Hi, Mary! It's Jess. How are you?" While all of my other clients I normally ask right away how their search is going, and if they enjoy working with my agent, I knew "Mary" wouldn't respond to that. I had to care about her first, and real estate second. Though "Mary" is still in limbo as to what she is going to do, she is in close contact with both myself and my agent. I also send her weekly e-mails just to say hi, and guess what...she always responds.

The moral: It's okay to let your guard down. As mentioned in a previous post, sometimes we have to turn off of the professionalism and turn up the personal. Will "Mary" ever buy/sell a home? Who knows. The point is that by letting my emotional wall come down a bit, I was able to ensure that should she decide to make a real estate transaction, she would trust me to help. Believe me when I tell you, if I can master the "foe-emotion," so can you. Think on it.